Birthday Surprise

When August comes, September can not be far behind! I know it rather well because August is the month when my son was born and September, when my daughter was born. So when planning for the first birthday party begins, the other one is already on my mind. This year my son turned 4 and after having been to some of the parties in the last few months, he had been asking for a birthday party. So we held a birthday party for him and invited all his friends. On the day of his birthday, my father-in-law called up in the morning and told me "Make sure my grand-daughter has also a party of the same scale". She is her first and I think his most favorite grand-child. "Of course" I told him "whatever she wants".

After my son's party got over, I asked her how she wanted to go about this year. She said she was still thinking. On 7th September, she went for an outstation school trip for 4 days and came back only on 10th September. Before going, she settled for a camera for a birthday gift from her dad and got it well before the trip. After she was back and well rested, I asked her again "Now tell me where do you want to celebrate your birthday party? Are you inviting only the girls or the entire class?" I was prepared that she may want a grander party this year, considering turning ten, a double digit age is something more special. "I don't want to hold a birthday party this year, not inviting  friends" she replied. I was dumbfounded. Last year, the planning and preparations for the birthday party had lasted for a month before the actual date. We had spent days deciding the theme and games and return gifts. "May be a trip hangover" I thought and kept quiet. Two days later I checked again "So shall we book a place for a party or you want to hold the party at home?" She was quick to reply "At home, mom. But only with family". I was puzzled. "Are you sure?"I asked "No kids around. Just the four of us?". She smiled "Well, can I call my cousins over?". I nodded, still feeling confused.

On 17th morning, just a day before her birthday I sat puzzled. "May be I should arrange a surprise party and call all her class friends over". I discussed with my husband and told him that I am feeling odd that she is not having a proper birthday party. He was cool about it "It's nothing odd". In the evening,  she casually remarked "So tomorrow is my birthday. I hope you are planning surprises for me". That's when I felt really nervous. "She is expecting surprises?". This was tricky! Planning a normal birthday party was hard work but more straightforward. I was completely clueless. At that time, I really empathized with guys who have to plan surprises for their girlfriends. While she was busy playing, I quickly checked with her "So what is your favorite color these days". I have learned that kids especially girls change their favorite color quite frequently and its always a good idea to check it out regularly. At one time, she almost worshiped pink color. Few years later, in a clothes shop, when I suggested a pink jacket for her, I was told "Come on Mom, Pink is for babies". That is when she bought black jacket and many items in black color. "Lilac. Mom. That light purple shade" she replied.

"Hmm...she wants to be surprised" I thought "A little lady after all". Before going to bed, I decided  I would pick flowers for her in the morning before she woke up. "Light purple carnations" I thought "she would love them". In the morning, I was still uneasy about the surprise part. It was like going through an exam. "What if she does not approve of the surprise?" Towards the end of the yoga class, as I lay down in Shavasan, my mind was still working actively "What if the shop does not have lilac colored flowers?". When I entered the flower shop, my fear came true. Lilac carnations were not in stock. I decided to take a chance. Dark pink carnations, not the baby pink color and yellow chrysanthemum. But I specifically asked for a light purple ribbon. That guy made a big flower from that ribbon and decorated the bouquet. I wrote a personal note on a card and he stuck it on the bouquet too. "Chocolate" I thought "would be a good addition". So with a Cadbury Silk chocolate in one hand and the flowers in the other, I rang the bell. She came to open the door and gave me a wonderful smile looking at me carrying the things. I gave her a tight hug, picked her up and took her in my arms. Picking her up (गोदी में लेना) is a difficult task these days, but it was a special occasion and she deserved it.

She liked the flowers and arranged them in a vase, but she loved the purple ribbon flower the most. Her best friend made a surprise visit and she played with her for a couple of hours before her cousins, and other relatives arrived. Unlike other days, she gave an un-inhibited tight hug to her grandmother. He grandmother gave her money this time as she wanted her to spend the way she liked. My daughter appreciated the fact that she was being trusted with taking care of the money and choosing to buy what she wanted.

All the cousins had a great time playing with each other. We ordered pizza for the kids. She cut the cake and celebrated the day at home with extended family.

In the evening, we took her to a mall so that she could pick up birthday presents for herself. She picked a night-dress and a hairband. My son was also enthusiastic about giving a gift to her and getting a return gift.  They discussed amongst each other and decided on the gifts from each other. She selected a small pouch meant for keeping traveling toiletries. It also had a few small empty bottles for keeping cream, shampoo. She has a fascination for creams, shampoos and perfumes these days. He selected a toy camera.

At night, she told me this was the best birthday she has had. I know kids tend to exaggerate their feelings but she did look peaceful and contented. I must say, the fact that she chose to spend the day with her family and cousins was very re-assuring at some level. And I also learned that to her a surprise did not mean a big thing, but her parents giving a thought to her interests and desires. A day when they make efforts to make her feel special. And of course lots and lots of love and attention from her mother.  I don't know about her, but she certainly gave me a big surprise this year!

What are little kids made of?

There goes a popular nursery ryhme from the early 19th century

What are little boys made of?
Frogs and snails
And puppy dog's tails
That's what little boys are made of

What are little girls made of?
Sugar and spice
And everything nice
That's what little girls are made of

Being a mother of a 10 year old daughter and 4 year old son, I have often pondered at what my little kids are made of. Are they similar in their tastes and interests?Are they different because of being a girl or a boy? Or are they different because they are different people?

When my son was about 2 years old, I started taking him to the park in our housing complex. The first revelation of the difference hit me when I saw that he was more interested in the parking that I had to walk through, than in the park. My daughter had never bothered to look at the cars and the two wheelers in the parking . Her main interest was to go the park for the swing. She was not too keen on the slide, but it was hard to convince her to leave the swing to give turn to the next child. While he likes to swing too, he is equally happy with the slide. But what would give him a real high was to to sit on a motorcycle in the parking and pretend to ride.

My daughter loved picking leaves and flowers in the park. She was fascinated by the different colors and the textures of leaves. Another object, which never failed to catch her attention were the bird feathers. Even now, she has the eye to pick interesting feathers. In our trip to Goa, she picked some parrot feathers. When we visited Kufri zoo this year,outside the pheasantry, she found a feather of the Western Tragopan. These are precious objects of her treasure. My son, on the other hand, occasionally picks up stones and sticks.

At 3-4 years age, my daughter used to get completely bored in car journeys, but he has a great time looking at the road, the various cars, trucks, buses, autos, motorcycles and so on. He has a special fascination for the construction trucks.Thanks to his interest, I and my daughter have also got exposed to this new world of interesting vehicles. We also smile and comment when we see excavators, cranes, road rollers and tractors on the road. We now know that excavators and back-hoes are different, as the latter has a front loader basket.

At this age, my daughter loved collecting dolls. In every trip to the market, she would want to pick up a new one. At times, I found the new one identical to what she had at home, but she would quickly clarify the differences 'Mamma, look, her hair is brown and not black. And her dress is so different'. As soon as we would arrive home, she would sit with all her dolls and get started with a dress-exchanging session. I was amazed to see a similar trait in my son. Not with dolls, but with cars. As soon as a car would be home, he would take the tyres out. It hit me one day when he got me a truck and told me to fit a car tyre in that. Of course it won't fit and he was hard to console.

A common love they had while growing up, was for toy animal sets. But again while she would put them outside her doll houses, he would put them on the big trucks and take them for a ride.

Wait, there is a long list of similarities too. After having disposed off my daughter's old toys, which I thought would be irrelevant for him, very soon, I had to bring myself to buy a kitchen set for my son. Infact he already has two sets by now. He loves rolling chappatis as much as she did. Both of them love playing with clay, sand and water. The both have an inherent love for glue and scotch tapes. My son has been made to progress to a scotch tape fitted in a dispenser, so that I can be relieved of the job of cutting the tape for him all day long. My son spends a good amount of time, fixing things using the tapes. Today morning, when I picked my kurta hanging in the bathroom, down came the churidar too, attached to the kurta with a scotch tape! They both love stickers, the common interest being smileys, stars and other shapes. They love magnets, reading lights, torches, umbrellas. They both love messing around and creating an imaginary world of their own.

While the similarities might have made it easier for the siblings to understand each other, I think it is the differences which have made their little worlds so much richer and interesting.

Do you also sometimes stop and wonder at what your little kids are made of?

Thank you mother-in-law

Thank you mother in law for not helping me bring up my second-born
         And there is no sarcasm in what I say
Thank you  for not staying on to take care of my kids
        while I went to work each day
For what you have given me, knowingly or unknowingly, is a blessing
        That my soul needed while I never knew
For what I got to live from that point was a life
        About which I had no clue

I brought my second one up on my own instincts
       Little nervous may be, but no real fear
I did not miss the first smile, the first crawl, the first step and the first babble
        All that there was, to watch and hear
I learned and loved to be hands-on everything
        The divine pleasure of breast-feeding, bathing, cooking, feeding and even singing

Leaving behind the guilt that pierced me while I worked after my first born
        I try my best to compensate what was lost by my first one
Being there to pick them from the school or the bus-stop
        Playing, sleeping, even doing nothing with them is great fun

Covering the journey from the board room meetings to bringing up kids
        I have come a long long way
Traveling, painting, reading, writing and bird-watching came along
       Not a bad deal, what do you say?

No achievements at work to boast about
        My personal bank balance does not rise
But for the guilt-free life and the richness of my soul
        It's  not a heavy price

I look back and smile when I remember that time
        And I know the realization may have been slow
But clearly the turning point of my life was
        when you said that 'No'

Priceless Smile

A few days ago, our car stopped at the traffic light and two girls came close to the window asking for money. My 4 year old son was curious to know 'what they wanted'. He has a lot of questions these days and I told him that they were asking for a 'coin'. I checked my purse but there was no loose change inside. As I was closing the zip of the purse, my son said 'There is a toffee there'. It was a 'dairy shots', which has two small chocolate balls inside the sachet. 'Do you want it?" I asked my son. 'Give this to them if you do not have coins' he suggested. 'Are you sure?" I asked him in case he changed his mind and wanted to keep it for himself. 'Yes, give them', he said generously. I handed it over to the bigger girl and told her to share with the other girl. The smile it brought on her face was something to watch. Together they walked back to a safer place and got busy opening the toffee. No longer were they interested in utilizing the time to beg for more coins. I loved the busy look on their faces, the bigger one trying hard to open using her teeth and the younger one looking at her constantly in anticipation of the treat. 'Good Job' I told my son, feeling thankful to him for the smile he brought to the girls.

Birthday Party Games for kids - What do they teach?

 This post was selected for blogadda Spicy Saturday Picks

Have you ever stopped and looked at the kind of games our children usually play at birthday parties? Fortunate to be in the parent-family of a school, which has a different school of thought, I am learning to question before adopting any standard practices. It amazed me no end to see how these common birthday party games are structured to promote development of qualities like 'Winning', 'Getting Ahead', 'Asserting' and 'Grabbing' too, starting with kids as young as 3 or 4 years old.

I felt especially uncomfortable with the concept of 'elimination' and 'winning'. Come on, competition at this stage! To begin with, it is difficult for a 3 or 4 year old to even grasp the rules of a game like musical chair. And I have found it almost impossible to answer a child 'why he has to go out of the game just because he could not run faster or could not comprehend the game rules or could not grab a chair fast or had to release the chair because someone else pushed him'. I have often seen the parents of the eliminated child desperately struggling to console him/her and trying to reason out, while the game continues with other children. I personally feel scared when the children start running and pushing each other, all to grab a seat as fast as possible. I am not sure what are we teaching the child through this game especially at this stage of life.

Then there is this game where the host throws a lot of straws and children are encouraged to grab as many as possible. The one who can grab the maximum is declared the winner and gets a prize. What did we teach the child- 'Get ahead and Grab'?

There is also this 'Khoi Bag' practice where a  paper bag filled with goodies (toffees and small toys) is hung at an upper level. Children gather around the bag and the game organizer pierces the bag. A mad scramble follows, as the children try to collect as many goodies as possible. This is the 'literal loot game' with no pretence. Do I need to say more?

When I celebrated birthday for my son (4 year old) recently at Pizza Hut, I tried to stay away from the competitive games as far as possible. I explained to the host that there will no winners and no prizes. We played many rounds of 'musical statue' with the kids without any elimination. We explained the rules to the kids and helped them to be still for a count of 5. They had lot of fun and I did not feel there was any natural urge in them to win as far as they were having fun. The game helped them participate together, have fun and and also learn to 'concentrate'. Then my sister-in-law suggested a game of 'balloon race'. I would like to rename it to 'balloon walk'. The children were told to place a balloon tucked inside their legs and walk slowly, making sure the balloon does not fall out. The children were allowed as many tries as they wanted. They were having fun as there was a challenge involved. They were also learning to 'concentrate and balance'. After a few minutes, something strange happened. The Pizza Hut host suddenly tried to convert the game into a race and helped one boy walk faster and declared him the winner. Not only this, he gave him a prize on his own. All this happened so fast that I could not intervene to stop him. I was really upset. Luckily too many children did not notice or get concerned. But I could immediately see how difficult it is for society to change. That guy was finding it very hard to digest how a game could be played without declaring a 'winner'. Perhaps he thought I had been sloppy and had not arranged a prize so he went out of the way to give something from his own stock.

I had requested my 10 year old daughter to take charge of arranging other activities for the kids. My kids refused to call in a tattoo-maker, though I could not see why. She asked me to arranged for papers, crayons, stickers and clay for the children. The kids had a good time playing with all of these. The stickers were used in a variety of ways - from decorating the balloons, to making cards and even for making tattoos on their arms, which kids did on their own. All this without any winning, losing, looting or grabbing!